farters have to be the big spoon...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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