You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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