fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do vagina's smell?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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