i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
