yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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