They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
