I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
