there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
