I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
