my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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