He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
