Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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