I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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