I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
