sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
