i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
