Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
