There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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