I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize