he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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