So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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