His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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