I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
