i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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