I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
