"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
