i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
