I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
