my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
