You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Welp...herpes.
he thought i was a dude.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
