my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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