We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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