I accidentally had phone sex last night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
