shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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