I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
