I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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