You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
