ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm always down for nudity.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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