The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize