Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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