I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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