So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
