a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
