I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
