happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize