my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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