I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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