and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
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So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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