WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
