He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
