Plan B is the new Plan A
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
