everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
worst night to have a conscience
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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