wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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