there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
