yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
