so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
