We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
