i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
