youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
