they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
