I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
