I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
bring money and cleavage
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
