Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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