Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
