By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
