I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
