drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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