I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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