The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
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As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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