Sponge bath it is.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
