nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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