She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
