Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
