Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
