I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
