dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
