I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize