Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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