He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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