the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
