Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
