guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
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