Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
