I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
