i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.