yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.