You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
